Toxic relationships can happen to the smartest of us.  We can think we have it all together and be involved in a relationship that is not healthy for us or also known as a toxic relationship.

One of the reasons that it is so hard to determine if the relationship is toxic is because many times it starts out great. Most relationships go through the honeymoon stage, where everything is exciting and satisfying.  Normally, the first few months are the best part of a relationship.

What happens is that we start to settle into our normal routine and no longer worry about impressing our partner. We become “ourselves” again and lose some of the niceties that we display at the beginning.

Toxic relationships never work and can lead to devastating consequences for both parties.  If you discover that you are involved in a toxic relationship, please rethink what you are doing and if you really want to be a part of a situation that can not be anything but emotionally draining and painful.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that can wear you down, cause you pain continuously, deflate your self esteem, or become an addiction. Does this sound like a relationship that you are involved in?

Many of us have experienced some level of this in our lives at some point. There are some people, sadly to say many, that repeatedly get involved with someone that leads to similar patterns.

Here is an example of toxic behavior:  Jane has been dating Ed for six months now. She is finding herself more attached the past few months and wants to spend most of her free time with him. Ed is not so inclined to meet her demands for “quality time”.  He is happy with a weekend night with Jane and an occasional weekday sleepover.

The more that Jane pushes for time with Ed, the more he pulls away. She finds herself staying by the phone on her free nights hoping that he will call. She even drives by his house to make sure that he is home alone.

This is the start of the toxic behavior.  Ed starts to tell her that she is pressuring him and pulls back further. Jane then starts texting him telling him how much she cares about him.  She calls him after a few glasses of wine to tell him off.  You know where that relationship is heading???

After Jane and Ed break up, she meets David. She starts the pattern all over again because she hasn’t learned anything from the previous relationship.  David shows a lot of interest in Jane at the onset and likes the fact she is so full of energy and loves her independent nature. David is not so interested in a long term relationship. If it happens, fine, but he is happy with playing the field until he finds Ms. Right.

After a few months, David pulls back on Jane the same way that Ed did and she starts to internalize this behavior and feel all guys are assholes. She may start becoming more sexual to hold onto him. Again, there is no longevity with this relationship either. Jane will continue to do what she does best.. driving guys away that are not right for her instead of investing in someone who appreciates her.

Another example of a toxic relationship: Mark has been the best boyfriend for the past 2 years. Then, he starts to act differently. You notice he seems to be on the internet more than normal. He seems more distant.

You sit down to check your emails one day and notice he has been visiting porn sites. You start checking around and find out that he is also on adult dating sites.

When you question Mark about this, he tell you that ” it is no big deal“. He was bored and was just looking around. That he had to “create a profile” to even look on a site. He tells you that he would never contact anyone on a site and reassures you that he loves you.

You let it go and a few months pass.  You discover that he has not stopped visiting the sites and might have actually been meeting with someone. You let it go because …. You Love Him!!! This is most definitely a toxic behavior. You stay in a relationship that is painful and pulls you down even when you know it is wrong for you.

Toxic relationships are never going to lead to a lasting and loving relationship. There are many people that don’ t want to be in a committed relationship but have no trouble hiding that fact from their partner.  Identifying that at the beginning can save you lots of pain.

For the unfortunate ones who have invested years in a relationship that is leading to nothing but stress and causing you pain, exit the relationship and move on. It may not be easy, but living in a toxic relationship will not allow you to live your life to the fullest. You deserve the best life has to offer. Sadly, many people have lived for so long in that toxic state that they don’t feel they are worthy of a loving relationship.