Part of the dating process is finding someone that is attracted to you and that you find appealing as well. Sometimes, when we have been in a relationship for quite sometime or have been out of the loop with dating, we don’t concern ourselves with our physical appearance.

If you have gained weight and feel this is stopping you from finding the type of person you are searching for, getting fit should be at the top of your list. It also is essential for your health.

The problem is that most people don’t have a clue where to start.  There is so much information online and through infomercials on getting fit that it is hard to know where to begin.

The first step is to decide why you want to lose the weight. If it is just to boost your confidence and feel attractive, it probably won’t last long. The key is to also realize that it is imperative to your health as well.

So, now where do you start on your journey to getting fit for life? Yes, I did say fit for life.

Some would say to have a goal as to how much you want to lose. This is important to some extent but, don’t overshoot your short term capacity. have a realistic goal. They say that safely 2 lbs per week is realistic however, much of the initial weight loss is water weight and after awhile, you may not lose as fast as you expected. Everyone’s metabolism is different. Don’t give up.

Once you have some numbers in your head, open up your fridge and pantry. Look for everything that is high in fat content, especially saturated fats. Some fats are good for you such as fats derived from fish, olives,nuts, etc. All fried snacks should get tossed or as I used to do, given to coworkers.

Get into a routine of exercising at least 3-4 times per week. It is always recommended that you visit your doctor to get a checkup before starting an exercise routine.

Some people respond well to light cardio where as some need more intense and longer visits to the gym. The American Heart Association is not suggesting 45 minutes of cardio. I know that sounds horrible, and many people don’t have 45 extra minutes to fit in to their schedule.

Make sure that you don’t starve yourself. It is better to eat 3 meals per day with 3 snacks. Cutting back on your portions is essential to losing weight and getting fit. For most people trying to lose weight, this is also one of the hardest things to do.  Americans are so conditioned to eating everything on our plate and eating heapfuls of food at the local buffet.

Fresh fruits and veggies are great for good health and wonderful snacks. Eating fish at least 3 times per week and cutting back on your beef consumption will also help you lose weight and lower cholesterol. I try to eat food from the Mediterranean diet.

One of the things I love most to drink now are my fruit smoothies. You can do this with fresh or frozen fruit. I use both depending on what is in season and also the price. You can take some fresh strawberries, bananas,  plain yogurt, ice, skim milk, honey or agave if you want a little added sweetness and blend it up into a very refreshing and delicious morning drink. I am addicted to my fruit drinks now and miss them if I don’t have time to make one.

Start reading the labels while shopping. So many foods are high in sodium, sugar and fat. Yogurt can have high sugar content so it is important to check the container before buying.

Feeling that you are worthwhile is important for being a complete person and looking confident to a potential partner. Losing weight can be one of the pieces in the puzzle to getting there.

Always remember that to attract someone, you must have more than just the physical. Getting fit should be a life long goal and not just short term. It will not only benefit the way you look, but also  help you live a longer and more quality life.

Resources for eating healthy and getting fit:

http://exercise.lifetips.com

http://www.eatingwell.com

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com

There are so many schools of thought and techniques on dating out there today. Dating philosophies depend on several factors: The age of the person who is dating and also the times that we live in today.

This topic became most important to me this week since it was mentioned to me that my ideas are “antiquated”. So, in fairness to the person who pointed it out , but most certainly will not read this post, I am going to attempt to approach this subject with an open mind.

I have been attempting for the past several weeks to get feedback in an open forum regarding several dating topics such as “should a guy pay for the first date” and “why do guys play games”? It was a very enlightening experience and I learned quite a bit from it.

I found that many people in their 20’s prefer to split the date or refer to whoever suggested it as the payor. I feel that it is fair if it works for their generation. Also, I do realize that many people in their 20’s are in school and do not have a lot of money to date.

There definitely is a generational mindset difference and I do appreciate and respect that.  Dating is such a difficult topic to turn into and exact science and really boils down to several things: compatibility  and attraction.  Other criteria is secondary.

Most men in their late 30’s, 40s and beyond will reach for their wallet and not allow a lady to pay for the first date.  To me that is the real test. If they expect me to pay for the first date, it is the last. In more than 40 dates over the past almost 5 years, I have only had one date where the man expected us to share the check.  He was a recipe for disaster!

I can only extend my experiences, research, and values to my readers. It is up to you to decide if what I have to say has value and I do hope that it does and that it aids you in your search for a great relationship!

For many of us single working females,  some  of our dates are planned for a time directly after work.  So, how can we dress appropriately for work and still look sexy and appealing for our date?

Usually the first date is fairly casual. That being said, you still want to look attractive for that first meeting since it is important to impress if you want to make it to a second date.

Men love beautiful eyes and and a lovely smile. Make sure that you have accentuated your eyes with a little eye liner and soft shadow.  Looking natural is important since most guys want us beautiful but not overdone. You may have seen in dating profiles the typical statement, ” I want a girl who can go from formal to a basebal cap and jeans. I am looking for someone who looks like the girl next door”.  Meaning they want it all, which of course is highly unlikely!

Secondly, try to wear an outfit which accentuates your best features. If you are on the heavier side, this means not wearing spandex or tight fitting clothes.  You have no idea how many dates that I have been on where guys have shared stories about women showing up who were overweight and under dressed or wrongly dressed for their body type.

One of the keys to a successful first meet is being appropriately attired. If you are not sure, take a friend with you to the store or to look at your wardrobe to aide you in your selection for your date.

If you are meeting for drinks after work, wearing slacks with a nice top and accessorizing it with jewelry can work great. I really love nice costume pieces that are not overpowering to compliment an outfit.  Keep the focus on your face and not your body or clothing, so don’t overdo it!

There are really great summer fashions out now that are fairly inexpensive in discount stores such as Target and Ross. I love Target’s handbag collection and accessories for the summer.

If you chose to wear a dress, wear one that is not too “officey” and would transition to an appropriate night time dress. Banana Republic, Anne Taylor and Chicos have nice selections this year!

If you are going to expose your legs, make sure they are tanned or have at least a hint of color. Most men love a woman’s legs and you can use one of the many new spray tans out on the market if you are not a sun worshiper.

It can be tough to juggle working, kids, and dating. Simply don’t over plan the first date. It should be natural and relaxing!  Show your confidence and guys will love that about you!

What defines a relationship today is extremely and sometimes shockingly different than it was even ten years ago. The internet has certainly changed the way people interact and meet.There are so many categories of relationships available such as instant messaging, online chat rooms, dating sites, and the all so increasingly popular one Cyber Sex.

Reasons Why Internet Sex is Increasing in Popularity:

1. Ability to meet people from outside a geographical location.
2. People don’t have time for person to person interaction.
3.. Inability to communicate in person because of emotional hangups .
4.  Excitement of connecting with someone unknown.
5.  People like to have sex often and are not able to do so in person.
6.. Infidelity.. Wanting to have sex outside the relationship but not wanting to really cheat. There are a lot of
people that have unfulfilling relationships.
7.  It is great for someone that is looking for safe sex. You can even save money on condoms! No risk, no cost!
8.  Some people are simply sex addicts.
9.  There are many exhibitionist that get off on showing their bodies and sexual fantasies on a webcam
10.The desire to be a porn star.

Most of us that have been on the internet for some time and  frequent chat rooms and or instant messaging and forums have experienced some form of cyber sex or solicitation of it. I have actually been a part of it in a small way.

I have had several people entice me to a web cam showing, not really understanding that they were intent on “getting off”! The last one, I actually encouraged. He thought I was enjoying it, while I was simply making a fool of him. I watched in utter amazement as he “enjoyed himself”!

It is sad that so many people use the internet as a means to stay connected to the world, but do not really want to fully participate in it. I have known several people that hid behind the computer screen instead of having human contact with a warm body!

Reasons NOT to Participate in Internet or Cyber Sex:

1. You don’t always know who you are talking to.
2. You might be posted all over the internet
3. You might get caught by your spouse or significant other
4. It can be highly addicting.
5. Your local Adult Store might be selling your latest adventures!

Do you think that cyber sex or playful flirting with someone on the internet is cheating??

This is a post, submitted by one of our readers here on Successfuldatingpro.com. She wrote this sometime back and finally got the courage to send it into us for our thoughts on her somewhat lackluster dating life.

I have recently joined another online dating site. Sometimes, I wonder if my future is meant to include a lifetime of “aloneness”. I feel that I am a great catch and do not understand why I never seem to meet anyone that sticks.

I have been single for almost 5 years now.  The funny thing is that right from the onset of my divorce, I was hoping to find the relationship that would last a lifetime. The one that so eluded me during my 8 years of marriage.

After my divorce, I thought I was a great catch. One of my male coworkers told me I was so I guess it gave me false confidence. I was in great shape, had a great job, full of life, fun and educated!. I guess men are not looking for those qualities in women they date?

Being single for me has never been very pleasurable or satisfying. I do not like to live alone or be alone every single day of my life. For me, finding someone that I click with and have feelings for makes me happy. Alone, I feel uncertain about my future and insecure.

The only way that I seem to meet anyone is online. I know that I am not a very approachable person, or at least have been told that. In a one on one meeting I am very outgoing and confident. I usually get a second date after meeting someone the first time.

Over the past 4 1/2 years, I have probably had over 40 meeting with people that I met online. Some, I have dated for a few months. One person I actually made it to 6 months. I never had such hopes as I did with him. It still stings!  Then, he disappeared.

So, I wonder what it is that guys really look for. I felt that after 40 men became more stable and sure of what they wanted in a relationship. It seems that the opposite has been the reality of my dating life.

Are men looking for an attractive, educated, well balanced non clingy person?? Or are they looking for someone that comes with baggage, insecurities and cannot even have an intelligent conversation.??

I am simply astonished at the behavior of some of the guys that I have had the unfortunate luck of getting involved with.

I am now on Eharmony and I feel so little passion about meeting anyone on there. It seems that maybe if someone is paying so much to meet someone and that there is less competition there as well, perhaps I will have a chance to meet a normal, dynamic, educated man.

I know that I am now a bit jaded and nervous about developing any feeling for someone since I have seen so much dishonesty and ugliness. Maybe this will be my one last hope at finally meeting someone that can remain in my life longer than a season.

Valentines Day is coming up and it dawned on me that I have never had anyone in my life during this special holiday since my divorce. I also have had to celebrate every New Years Eve alone as well.  Hopefully, 2009 will be a turning point for me. It will be my 50th birthday and I am painfully aware that very year that passes now will make it that much harder to find the type of person I am looking for.

It is pretty disheartening when you have had what seemingly was the “perfect date” only to find out that it was not all that!! What you don’t realize is that you might have given off signals that turned or scared your date off!

When you meet your date for the first time, there is often pent up excitement and expectations about what you think and feel about potential partner. Often, a small gesture or comment can trigger a fast turn off as well as making it the last date!

One of the things many people tend to do is to volunteer too much information about themselves or past relationships. You should keep the first date simple and not turn it into a therapy session or a ex bashing fest. Even if your date exhibits this behaviour, don’t reciprocate.

If your date mentions your ex, you can answer in general terms. You don’t have to go into details about what a jerk your ex was. You can simply say that it didn’t work out because you had conflicting views etc. Save the details for down the road.

Also, don’t mention all the medications that you take. If you take Xanax, keep that information near and dear to you. Don’t feel the need to share it on the initial date. It will send off red flags and probably end any future dates.

Confessing all your past dating transgressions is never necessary and certainly not at the beginning. If you really are attracted to your date and enjoy the company, smile and engage in light hearted conversation.

Dating is meant to be about eventually finding that perfect person. That person is out there….. somewhere…!!!

When meeting a lady for the first time, there is often a dilema concerning whether it is in your best interest to pay for the date. The majority opinion is in favor of a guy always paying for the first date!

Chivalry is not dead, contrary to what you may think. Women sitll appreciate it! If you want to impress a woman, don’t let her pull out her wallet. She will probably not forget it, even though she extended the offer if you allow her to contribute!

Women like to feel that they are being respected. A guy holding the door open and paying for the date makes her feel that you are a true gentleman, even if just a perception. She will go home and tell all her friends how wonderful you seemed!

Dating can be expensive for men. So, a first meet does not have to mean dinner at Seasons 52. Plan a meet at a cafe or wine bar! They are both generally relaxing and fun places to make an introduction.

If you are short on cash, have just one glass of wine. However, you should ask your date if she would like another glass when she has finished. Order a glass of water with your wine and you can sip on that as well!

After you meet and scope out the visuals and see if she passes the chemistry test, you can decide if you want to move forward with a second date.

There could be so many reasons why your dating life has come to a grinding halt.  Lack of desire, not enough time to focus, bad attitude or the economy could quite possibly be contributing to the dismal social life you may be encountering.

There are ways to spice it up a bit. First, do an analysis of why you are not getting any offers. Have you changed your habits, job or location of residence? If those are the same, think about how you come across. Has your attitude changed in the past few months due to past dating experiences or stress in your life. Those factors are often transparent.

If still not seeing any red flags in those areas, are you on a dating site or muliple dating sites? Are you finding those pretty much lack luster as well?? There could be several reasons for that as well.

If you have been on the online dating circuit for a long time then, your face is not fresh. You might want to change your photo and profile a bit. Also, maybe you should try a new dating site. There are so many free dating services that is won’t be a problem.

If you are a female looking for a date, the economy could be a factor in the less than enthusiastic responses you have been recently getting. Guys are losing their jobs too. They may not have the money or real desire presently to be searching for a partner.

Best not to take it too personally. Simply try to change your routine a bit and see if the results improve!