My most recent experience with dating has been a fiasco. Are all men born liars or do they acquire this as they age?
I thought that I had seen everything, but this last relationship defied all previous ones.

I met “Don the Liar”  back in June. He seemed like the all American genuine real down to earth, successful, dynamic, educated dream man. What could possibly be wrong with him? I am a very experienced dater and was looking for signs that were inconsistent with what he was telling me. The first few months, there were none

He called every day, sent sweet text and expressed such a strong interest in me. It was very flattering and I started to let my guard down. He even came to my house for a weekend and never tried to have sex with me. I had already set the ground rules prior to his visit.

The first little “red flag”  from “Don the Liar” was when he told me that two years ago he had a tumor on his spinal column that he had to have chemo for. He mentioned that only 4 people in the entire world knew about this. I thought it was odd.

After a wonderful weekend, he left and instant messaged me that evening about how much he liked me and inquired if I could love his daughter. We spoke for several hours. Well, to my shock and dismay, I saw him on a dating site that night a few hours later with his instant message icon displayed. He had told me he deleted his profile.

His excuse was that he had to put his profile back on to contact the dating site about a stalker that was harassing him. I knew that was a far stretch but decided to let it go. Mistake number one!

Then, we kissed and made up a week later. I decided that I had not known him very long and should understand he might be seeing other people at that point. Even though he “lied” to me!

Everything was going well and then he got mad for no reason and told me his mother was in the hospital and he had to go see her. That was a lie too! I let it go as well. Mistake number two!

There were other erratic patterns that would take too much time to discuss here. However, the biggest one, was the last one. I went to visit him and everything was going great. We had chatted one night and he was helping me do something with my site. The next day he texted me a cute little text and I responded. That was the last time I heard from him for a week.

A week later, I texted him and asked what  happened? He told me that he had just gotten out of the hospital! When I asked him WHY he had not contacted me to let me know, he said that it was because he had been hooked up to tubes and electrodes, and actually had been unconscious for a day! Can you believe that. That his migraine issue was back.

I kept this going for another two days to see how outlandish the lies were going to get. I was utterly amazed. What upset me the most was that he thought I was so stupid that I believed this nonsense. That was the biggest blow to me.

He told me that the next day he had a scan planned for this “tumor” at the Mayo Clinic. When I attempted to call him that day, he was non responsive. So, he finally texted me like all people who have something to hide, and said he would call me after the scan. That he didn’t feel like talking.

Well, I had enough of the stupidity of the entire thing and called him at work at the supposed time of his “scan”. As expected, he answered the phone. Fast recovery!!! Should I send him a get well card or a kick in the A___s?

Single people may not initially gravitate towards someone with similar interest but when considering a long term situation, the tendency is to find a person who compliments them. Relationships are difficult enough and most people are attracted to someone who looks, feels and interacts as they do.

A study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in July 2003  provided a questionnaire to 978 heterosexuals from Ithica, N.Y. between the ages of 18-24.

The participants rated the importance of 10 attributes of a long-term partner, and then rated themselves on the same scale. When the results were completed, self-perception was more likely to match mate perception.

Conclusion: “In Western society, humans use neither an ‘opposites-attract’ nor a ‘reproductive-potentials-attract’ rule in their choice of long-term partners, but rather a ‘likes-attract’ rule based on a preference for partners who are similar to themselves across a number of characteristics.”

If people are realistic and don’t want to be chasing a dream their entire life, they must understand that if you venture into a higher realm, you may be shot down. Educated people tend to look for others with similar or higher intellect, attractive people normally are not looking for someone that they don’t find traditionally attractive. People who have a dynamic personality and are the life of the party, will not be looking for the wall flower they noticed sitting by herself.

It is important for someone to have their own identity and even have some interest that are not important to their partners. However, for a relationship to thrive and in order to develop a deep and lasting bond, there must be more similar categories of interest than not. Meaning , forget about the “opposites attract“  theory!

Unless you want to be spending most of your free time either alone, with friends or bored, make sure that before you let go of your emotions,  that you are able to connect in areas other that the heart. Otherwise, you may find yourself losing a large part of it!!

We will be posting more on the Opposites Attract topic in our dating blog.

]]> http://successfuldatingpro.com/single-dating/do-opposites-attract/feed/ 1 http://successfuldatingpro.com/single-dating/dating-stories/can-you-top-my-dating-experiences/ http://successfuldatingpro.com/single-dating/dating-stories/can-you-top-my-dating-experiences/#comments Sat, 02 May 2009 05:56:32 +0000 admin http://successfuldatingpro.com/?p=548 Alyssa submitted this article to us and we thought it would be interesting to our readers. Hopefully,  none of you have experienced any of this!

Dating is FUN???

I have been single for over 4 years now. I went into single life with an open mind! I have found however that perhaps I am not “good” at dating

Listing my past relationships is a bit embarrassing but I want to know that I am not so different than any other single female. Actually, I hope that no one has endured the depths of what I have felt and experienced.

My first experiences with dating set the tone for what has been an ongoing disaster. You will say, I am sure, “You like bad boys don’t you”? Nothing could be further from the truth. I like educated, articulate, attractive, intelligent and professional guys. Is there anything wrong with that.

I forgot to mention that I like single men. More about that later. Reflecting upon my past mistakes, I still would not have had too many red flags the first few contacts. No scary situations, but major drama ensued.

I prefer to date from online dating sites. I am sort of shy and have better luck meeting people this way. The problem is finding “quality men with integrity”. Mom never told me that it would be this hard!!

The first few guys that I dated were “major players“. The first one I found out was not only a serial dater but had been arrested for stalking and had 2 restraining orders from 2 different women. Yes, I did a background check through the county records. Good thing!

The second one I found out later was an alcoholic and sex addict. He was educated, from a wealthy family and very sweet. Just didn’t realize he was also a liar and a bs artist. By bs artist, I am not talking about  music or Van Gough!. He still tries to reach me online. I thought I blocked him but after 4 years he still tries to get to me. He broke my heart and probably many others!

I moved on to a convicted felon. Now, I must admit, he was the only one that was not a professional guy. However, he was oh so attractive. He had multiple profiles with in different cities with different identifications. Very strange!

After that, well.. I will leave out a few less interesting but as much in the same standards as the previous ones, I found my “Dream Man”! Wow, was I impressed. We spoke for hours on end. He lived a few hours from me and we were so infatuated. He failed to tell me that not only was he still married but his cheating wife who was sleeping with the neighbor, was also still at home! That drama went on for months. We will call him Bob.

Bob and I broke up several times, he finally separated from his wife and he moved out west. I went to visit him and found that he was on a Bondage Site! I was furious. Drama ensued as I snared him into a little fun. I signed up on the site while visiting him  and began emailing him with an alias of course named Carla!

Carla and Bob started an exchange of emails and upon my return home, they set up a meeting. I instant messaged him as Carla and he took the bait. He went to meet Carla one evening and of course, he was so sadly stood up. There is more to that story, but not enough time here! Bob and I soon parted ways for awhile. Funny thing, he still calls me after two years! He wants a life with me, but I have to share it with his best friend double  Absolute Vodkas!

Do not despair!  There is more to this story. Things did calm down and I met a nice guy.. one of the few,  but he had a drinking problem. Soon after, I thought that I met my dream man from Michigan. He pursued me to the hilt and I took the bait. He was recently divorced though and was just enjoying mini vacations in Florida. I was crushed and still am!

Last but not least was someone that I will call Mark. He took the cake. I should bake him one lol. Never have I dated such a pathological Liar. Well, yes I have! However, he was the most seemingly sincere liar.

Oh, there were red flags after the first six weeks. He came to visit me and started talking about some type of tumor that he had on his spinal column. It caused him terrible migraines at times . He had chemo to arrest it. Only 4 people in the entire world knew about this. Hmmm, I did have a few moments of thought after hearing this!

A few hours after our visit, which was spectacular, I saw him on a dating site with his instant messaging button on. He had told me he deleted his profile for me . Ha ha! When I confronted him, he told me that he was being stalked by someone on the site and had to contact the administrator. Well, I own a dating site and know that you do not have to have a profile to contact them. I let it go since we had not dated that long. Rule number 1, if they lie, do not stop! Pass GO!!!

This stupidity went on for a few months. The last thing that happened was probably the most amazing bit of lying and creativity that I had ever experienced in my vast dating years!!!
He just disappeared for a week. So, I texted him to see if he was ok.

Mark told me that he had been in the hospital and had just gotten out. He was actually unconscious for day and hooked up to tubes and electrodes!!!  Poor Mark’s parents were with him and taking him to the Mayo Clinic the next day for testing. Yeah right!

Just so I could prove to myself that I was not paranoid after all my honest, loyal boyfriends, I decided to give him the benefit of doubt. At the time he told me he was at the Mayo, I called him at work. I guess you know it was not his secretary that answered the phone!

Is this just me or does every one have these problems with dating??

Dating has changed incredibly in the past 10 years. With  dating services becoming increasingly popular, singles are dating outside of their immediate are and even selecting partners from other states and countries.

Singles used to be limited to dating people they worked with or friends of friends or even worse yet, people they met in bars.  They could go for months or even years without a date or relationship.

It is much easier today to be able to turn on the computer and click into a profile that attracts your attention to find a date or potential relationship.

Dating someone long distance has also become easier thanks to cheaper and more available flights. There are many singles choosing to try their luck at dating out of their own geographic area.

How this will all work out and if it is really worth it will depend on if both parties are really committed to the relationship and can handle distance. If you are dating someone over 60 miles, patience and commitment are essential to sustaining a long distance relationship.

Being able to work out a schedule that will fit in visits on a frequent basis is also imporant and sometimes difficult to achieve. People normally have busy work schedules often compounded by children.

Before you get your heart to involved in the relationship, take time to really think about the commitment necessary to make it work! Get to know the person you are interested in through regular phone contact. Especially, if you live in another state and travel requires airline travel.

Once you have made the decision that you are ready to meet, keep an open mind but do so without blinders. Phone conversations, text and instant messages and emails are great, but do not really tell you the entire story. You must meet and spend time with someone.

It is really important to also get to know family and friends of your new love. This will help you get to know about his routine, character and if you would be comfortable in his or her social circle.

After the initial meeting or extended visit, if it goes well and the sparks are still there, take a few days to think about the visit. See if you would be comfortable traveling to see your partner. It can become difficult to take trips on an ongoing basis.  Also, your partner could tire of it as well.

A relationship is not made from one visit. This is hard for people to understand when their hearts are involved.  Keep your head on until you have really gotten to know your partner and are sure the intentions are honest and actions consistent.

If both parties are really serious about the relationship, then long distance dating can work and perhaps turn into a long term dating success!

For people that have not had the best luck choosing the right “soul mate“, it sometimes becomes very difficult not to feel a bit damaged or skiddish about dating again.

We all have an emotional bank, the more you take out without building back up a reserve, the more depleted the bank becomes. So, we have to find a way to both not let bad relationships or simply a series of bad dates scare us off.

If you find that dating is starting to lose it’s luster and  it doesn’t allow you to enjoy life or focus in a positive way, then take a step back and give it a break for a few months.

When attempting to get over a bad relationship or forgetting someone who had basically “dumped” you, taking a breather can let you regroup and take care of the most important person- you! Giving yourself time to also decide if perhaps you are either looking for the wrong traits in a person or quite possibly need to change the  direction of your search can sometimes bring about a better solution to finding a partner.